How Therapy Approaches Your Defences (Gently and Respectfully)
We treat defences with respect, not criticism. They’re not “bad behaviours” we need to get rid of—they’re clues. Each time a defence pops up, it’s a signal that an important feeling is trying to come forward.
So in therapy, we slow everything down and get curious:
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“Did you notice you looked away just then?”
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“You smiled as you said something painful—can we explore that?”
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“You went quiet for a moment. What happened inside?”
The goal isn’t to catch you out.
It’s to help you understand your own inner world, moment by moment.
Why This Matters
When we gently notice these protective moves together, you start to see:
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Why your guard comes up
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What it’s protecting you from
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And—most importantly—
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that you’re now strong enough to feel what you once had to avoid
This is where real change happens.
Not by pushing feelings down…
Not by pushing through them…
But by giving them space to be felt safely, with support.
Your Defences Aren’t the Problem — They’re the Starting Point
Therapy isn’t about tearing down your defences.
It’s about helping you outgrow them.
Little by little, you learn to stay present with your feelings, even the messy or overwhelming ones. And as that happens, many people notice something quietly transformative:
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Your relationships feel more honest
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You stop abandoning yourself
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You feel clearer, calmer, and more emotionally free
Your guard went up for good reasons.
In therapy, you get to discover that you no longer need it in the same way.
And that’s the beginning of healing.