So many people come into therapy suffering, not only because of what has happened to them, but because they've had to turn away from the truth of their feelings. They've had to bury their anger, mute their sadness, deny their longing - all in service of maintaining connection with those they've loved and depended on. That was necessary then. But what protected us in childhood can imprison us in adulthood.
When we hide from our emotions, we become divided. One part of us moves through life, functioning, achieving, doing what's expected.
Another part - the emotional core of who we are-waits patiently in the shadows, carrying unprocessed grief, fear, and rage. And that division costs us dearly. It can show up as anxiety, depression, self-doubt, or a chronic sense that something essential is missing.
The task of psychodynamic therapy, especially in the experiential tradition I practice, is to bring these divided parts back together-through emotional honesty.
I invite the client to stop running, to turn toward what they feel, and to discover that the feelings they feared would destroy them are, in fact, the key to their vitality.
This is not an intellectual process. Insight alone is not enough. We must feel the truth-in our bodies, in our hearts, in the trembling and tears and heat that rise when defences finally give way. That is where transformation happens.
As one client said to me, after years of avoidance and struggle, "I spent my whole life trying not to feel this. And now that I have, I'm free".
Freedom doesn't come from escaping our emotions. It comes from experiencing them fully, in a safe and supportive space, and discovering that we can survive - and even thrive - in the face of truth.
The courage to feel is the courage to live.